soft difference in 1 Peter
My pastor and my friend, Ethan Burmeister, sent an article about 1 Peter to me earlier this week. As I have been studying, meditating on, and praying through 1 Peter in the past couple of weeks, I found this particular article to be extremely helpful. It was written by Miroslav Volf way back in 1994. It is entitled “Soft Difference: Theological Reflections on the Relation Between Church and Culture in 1 Peter.” It is slightly more scholarly than the average read, but it is very, very helpful.
For me personally, I left the article more aware of my fears and my tendencies when I engage with non-Christians. My friendships with non-Christians are usually developed by geography, simply because working for a church means my co-workers are (usually?) already following Jesus. This means that building friendships with neighbors is crucial. Whitney and I love doing this, but – just like any Christians – we have fears, we have sinful tendencies, and we get discouraged.
Volf helped me understand better the middle ground between two extremes of relating to my friends who don’t know Jesus. The middle ground is what he calls soft difference. Peter and my life experiences tell me clearly that there are differences between our family and the families living around us who don’t know Jesus. The way our family does life, the way Whitney and I relate in our marriage, the way we shepherd our children, and the way we don’t do some things quickly bring up differences between us and our neighbors. Volf helped me by highlighting that these are soft differences – and I don’t need to make them hard differences. Here’s what he means.
The differences between me and my friends who don’t know Jesus should be there because of what I love, because of the values in my life, because of the new-birth-lifestyle that comes from the word of God (obeying the Gospel). The differences between me and my friends who don’t know Jesus should not primarily come from what I don’t like in their lives. They shouldn’t come from putting up a bunch of fences, or highlighting their sin, or rejecting everything they love. The soft differences between me and my neighbors are how I love Jesus, how I serve Whitney, the foundation we build upon to raise children (i.e., the Bible). The hard differences between me and my neighbors would happen if I always talked about being against divorce, or always talked about being against living together before marriage, or always talked about how terrible it is to cuss so much, or always talked about how bad it is to be drunk.
When I love Jesus, serve my wife, and disciple my children, there are plenty enough soft differences that will naturally arise. I don’t need to (nor should I want to) primarily be known for what I am against. This does not portray the Gospel best, though there are times when – as a Christian – I need to say No to some invitations or express the Bible’s disapproval of some lifestyles. But even these moments should be handled with great care, great gentleness, and great kindness. The point is not to show what I am against; the point is to highlight the hope God has called me to by causing me to be born again through Jesus Christ!
So when it comes to relating to friends who don’t know Jesus yet, “soft difference” is right in the middle of the spectrum. On opposite ends of the spectrum are…
(1) No difference.
(2) Hard difference.
Personally, I give in to both of these. I have some friends with whom I purposefully don’t talk about loving Jesus or I purposefully don’t let them see how I serve Whitney. I try way too hard to make it look like there is no difference between us, when in fact, there is. This does not serve my friend at all. For me to withhold the expressions of new birth in Jesus does not bless my friends. It is actually hypocritical – me pretending to be something I am really not.
With other friends, I can quickly highlight the hard differences between me and them. I am quick to speak against things they do, I tend to separate myself from them, my reactions to what they say are dramatic or astounding.
Thankfully, I don’t think I live on either end of the spectrum. But the temptations are so strong! I want to hide (because of fear), or I want to stand out too much (again, because of fear). Fear of man drives my desire to hide because I am afraid they might dislike me, make fun of me, estrange themselves from me, or be turned off to Jesus. And fear of man drives my desire to stand out too much because I am afraid of their perceptions, afraid of what other Christians might think about me, afraid of sending the wrong message at the wrong time. For these reasons and so much more, I need to keep hearing 1 Peter 3:14-16:
But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.
